By Julie Bradshaw, LCSW
Director of Center for Safe & Healthy Families

I am often asked by parents, when they find out I work with abused children, “how do I keep my children safe from harm?” My answer is almost always disconcerting to them.

I always tell parents the same thing, which is, “we can’t control the world. All we can do is what is reasonable, and try to help our children be resilient. That way if something bad happens, our children will recover.”

What are those factors that help some kids bounce back from catastrophic events, such as child abuse? The Department of Health and Human Services has identified five protective factors that are linked to a lower incidence of child abuse and neglect. I will be discussing each of them from month to month on this blog. They are:

• Nurturing and attachment
• Knowledge of parenting and of child and youth development
• Parental resilience
• Social connections
• Concrete supports for parents.

What makes a child resilient? Probably the most important thing is a supportive and strong family.

Children need adults around them who can care, nurture and guide them when times are good and especially when times are tough. When parents have a strong bond with their children, they understand and respond to their needs better and communicate with them more effectively.

Nurturing begins in infancy and continues through the teenage years, but the methods change. Infants need to be rocked and cuddled, while teens need parents to model conflict resolution and communication skills. All children need positive reinforcement for behaviors parents want to see more of.

Parents need to find ways to encourage their children’s gifts and special talents and to recognize work well done. It is also a good idea to find time to engage your children in play that is appropriate for their age. It is fun, too. I remember my own mother jump roping with me and playing jacks with my sister and me. The important part for me as a child was knowing I mattered enough for her to spend the time.

In order to know how to nurture appropriately throughout childhood, parents have to know the many stages of child and youth development. Each child has their own special abilities and unique personality, and their parents know them best. But at each stage of development, a child’s skills and abilities change along with what they need from their parents. We can’t be experts at everything.

How can parents stay on top of all the information they need to have in order to be the best parent possible? Early on, one of the best sources of information is your baby’s pediatrician. She will be able to tell you everything you need to know about what to expect regarding most aspects of your child’s development and needs.

There are also some excellent resources online such as: Zero to Three - created by the National Center for Infants Toddlers and Families and The Center on Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning.

Julie is a clinical social worker and holds a master’s degree in social work from the University of Utah. She has worked in many capacities, including with juvenile offenders, the Utah State Department of Human Services, and for the past 21 years at Primary Children’s. There, she directs an interdisciplinary team who assess and treat the suspected victims of child abuse.