by Sara Jackson, CSW
Primary Children’s Center
for Safe & Healthy Families
As the summer winds down and your children go back to school, it’s important to remember that school is not necessarily a safe place for everyone. Many children deal with bullies at school and face daily teasing, social exclusion, or physical threats. It is important to be able to identify warning signs that may indicate your child is being bullied, and to know how you can help him or her.
The accepted definition of bullying is “when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending himself or herself.” Bullying can include physical behaviors such as pushing, hitting, and kicking and/or emotional attacks such as name calling, teasing, creating rumors, social exclusion, threats and cyberbullying.
Unless your child has told you he or she is being bullied or you notice marks and bruises on him or her, it may be difficult to tell if your child is being bullied. Some of the warning signs to watch for include:
- Withdrawal
- Loss of friends
- Drop in grades or school satisfaction
- Loss of interest in activities that he or she previously enjoyed
- Torn clothing
- Need for extra money or supplies
- Anxiety
- Not eating or sleeping well
- Moodier or more easily upset than usual
- Avoiding certain situations (like taking the bus to school)
If your child is being bullied, there are ways you can help him or her to cope and to address the situation. Even if bullying isn’t an issue right now, it is important to talk to your kids about it so they will be prepared if it does happen. Here are some tips for parents of children who are being bullied:
- Encourage your children to always tell someone they trust if they are being bullied (a parent, the principal, school counselor, etc.)
- Do not encourage physical retaliation
- Do not tell your child to ignore the bullying
- Allow your child to talk about his or her bullying experiences
- Empathize. Tell your child that bullying is wrong, it is not his/her fault and you are glad he/she had the courage to tell you about it
- Contact your child’s teacher or principal to share your concerns about the bullying
- Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in class or to meet new friends outside of school to encourage healthy and positive relationships
- Encourage your child to participate in activities/hobbies that will help build resiliency in difficult situations like bullying
Parents can also help their children to develop strategies for dealing with bullies. Some strategies include:
- Avoid the bully and make sure you have a buddy with you when you go to your locker or the bathroom
- Practice not reacting to the bully (Bullies thrive on getting a reaction so practice counting to ten or taking deep breaths to calm down. The bully will get bored if you show no response!)
- Talk to someone you trust about what is going on
Children who are bullied shouldn’t have to feel that they are alone. By talking about how to deal with bullies and encouraging your children to tell someone if they or someone else is being bullied, you are encouraging them to stand up for what is right. Being proactive but not encouraging physical retaliation can help stop bullying and prevent children from suffering emotional and even bodily damage.
For more information about bullying visit Kidshealth, Adults and Children Together Against Violence, or the National Crime Prevention Council.
