by Sara Judd, RN BSN
Pediatric Oncology Nurse

As my fellow pediatric oncology nurses and techs would agree, it is difficult to put into words what it is like to work on the Cancer, Blood and Marrow Unit at Primary Children’s Hospital. The emotions can range from despair to victory, but in the end it is always rewarding to be able to care for our heroes.

We feel honored when a child makes us a card or looks up at us at the end of the day to say, “I hope you are my nurse again tomorrow.” We feel heartache when a patient has relapsed, and know too well the look of fear and exhaustion on the parent’s face. We feel hope when we sing the “Happy Last Chemo” song, and share tears of joy with the families as their child rings the end of treatment bell. We feel grateful for the shared compassion, knowledge, and dedication of the team of professionals we get to learn from every day. We feel motivated when a child is no longer nauseated after being given anti-nausea medications every two hours. We feel frustrated when a child does not want to take his tenth pill for the day, or have his blood pressure taken one more time, because we wish so badly he didn’t have to. We feel helpless when we try to provide comfort to a family who has not only just learned their child has cancer, but they now need to fear nosebleeds, crowds, and fevers.

We feel sadness when a child no longer fights port needles, Neupogen shots, back pokes, placing nasal-gastric tubes, taking oral medications and vital signs, because they have become accustomed to the cancer life. We feel excitement when a patient has a sudden burst of energy and rosy cheeks after a blood transfusion. We feel reality when patients can’t go to the homecoming dance or play on the football team. We feel humbled when we hear a parent say, “I am so grateful, it could be so much worse”. We feel happiness when past patients come to visit with hair long enough to feel. We feel amazement when we ask a patient who has been in the hospital for 21 days can I get you anything and they simply reply “How about a good day”. We wish for the day we need to learn new skills because childhood cancer no longer exists.

These cancer children and families show us strength and courage as they fight day after day. They teach us patience and priorities. They demonstrate selflessness and kindness. They are brave. They are heroes.

Some days we feel heartache, most days we hear laughter, every day we see hope.

Story Lines is a feature on Play Ground telling personal stories and experiences – written by the individual. If you would like to share your hospital experience on this blog, please contact us.