by Sara Jackson, CSW
Center for Safe & Healthy Families
As children grow older, they are bound to develop deeper, more meaningful friendships. It is natural and healthy for children to have friends and to rely on them as they mature. Friendships also create the possibility of peer pressure–both positive and negative. For instance, peers can pressure one another positively to develop new interests such as playing a musical instrument or joining a sports team. Negative peer pressure is more worrisome as it can lead to immature, dangerous or illegal behaviors and activities.
Some children may give in to peer pressure because they want to fit in, be liked or they may worry that if they don’t go along with the crowd, they will be left out, made fun of or ostracized. Here are some tips for parents on how to help your children cope with peer pressure.
- Promote your child’s self-esteem: Children who are confident and have positive self-worth are less likely to cave to peer pressure and are more likely to stand up for their own needs/wants; make sure to praise your child and enjoy his/her successes
- Bond with your child: If you have a good relationship with your child and he/she feels that you are supportive, he/she will be better able to resist peer pressure and to talk to you when he/she is feeling pressured, etc.
- Set a good example: If your child sees that you are confident and assertive and don’t need to cave to peer pressure, he/she will be more likely to follow your good example
- Talk about peer pressure: Talk to your child about peer pressure and let your child know that you understand how difficult it can be. Encourage your child to make decisions for his/herself and to understand that someone who is pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do may not be a true friend
- Don’t overreact: Try to listen to your child without judgment and without overreacting. If you overreact about peer issues, he/she may be less likely to come to you with problems in the future
- Don’t sweat the small stuff: Kids may want the same cellphone or the same brand jeans as their friends…make sure to choose your battles wisely and only challenge your child on the things that are really important such as high-risk behavior. If you’re constantly nagging your child, he/she is less likely to take seriously the important conversations
- Promote autonomy: Just as it is important to encourage your child to make his/her own decisions, it is also important for him/her to learn to trust his/her own instincts and to think through a situation including possible consequences. Encourage your child to develop his/her own responses to peers but feel free to offer suggestions or help construct appropriate responses
- Get to know your child’s friends: Encourage your child to invite friends over; this will show him/her that you take an interest in his/her social life and that you trust the friends he/she brings into your home
- Make a backup plan: Talk about backup plans that can help your children get out of dangerous or scary situations. For example, you can let them know you will always come to pick them up if they feel unsafe, etc.
Peer pressure can be very stressful for kids to deal with, but parents can help their children cope with peer pressure by being a positive role model, encouraging open dialogue and setting clear expectations.
Additional Resources
Peer Pressure
10 Ways You Can Help Your Child Cope With Peer Pressure
