What You Did That Helped Me the Most: A Letter From a Patient to His Mom

By Devan Sheffield
Heart Patient

Dear Mom,

We have been through a lot together these twenty-one years. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to learn that your precious newborn had congenital heart defects. Needing immediate medical attention, your baby was flown to Primary Children’s Hospital for urgent medical treatment. How scary it must have been for you and Dad. Only a few days earlier, you were both anxiously anticipating a new addition to the family. Then suddenly you found yourself waiting for the doctors to come out and hopefully inform you that your son had survived heart surgery.

Throughout my life, I have spent more time in the hospital than a child should. It’s not just me, though. You two have spent more time than a parent should have to watching their child go through so much. When I try to put myself in your shoes, I end up asking myself the same question: “What can I do to help my child?” My Answer: do exactly what you have done.

You Helped Me Learn To Be Patient

At 16 years old, I was preparing to undergo my fourth open heart surgery at Primary Children’s Hospital. While driving up the day before for pre-ops, we received a phone call from my cardiologist telling us the surgeons had referred my case to the Mayo Clinic because of its highly-complex nature and my surgery was cancelled. We were to wait for the Mayo Clinic to call and schedule the surgery with us.

The way you reacted has forever changed my life. Despite the delay and drastic change of plans, you didn’t become angry, frustrated, or anxious. A few days later, the Mayo Clinic contacted us and within two weeks we found ourselves in Minnesota preparing for surgery the following day. As I underwent surgery, I made up my mind to be like you; despite trouble, delay, or opposition, I wouldn’t become angry, frustrated, or overly anxious. What a difference that mentality has made for me when dealing with medical issues and every other aspect of my life!

You Helped Me Become A Big Picture Person

When I was 10 years old, I was scheduled for an open heart surgery at Primary Children’s. The surgery that was to be performed had rarely been done on a child as young or small as me. I was nervous. As I sat one night thinking about the surgery, you came in and talked with me. You didn’t seem scared. This puzzled me, but then you encouraged me to, “learn how to view your trials for what they really are-opportunities to become better.”

Even now, when i’m trying to see how a difficulty is an opportunity, it’s helpful for me to think of myself down the road and ask myself, “How am I better, more capable, or more helpful because I went through this?” In learning to view my trials from a different perspective, one that encourages me to become something more, I approach not only surgery, but life in general, with increased confidence and a positive mentality.

You Taught Me To Choose To Be Happy

Waking up from open heart surgery is quite the experience. As the anesthesia wears off, the beeping of machines fills your ears. Slowly you start to regain consciousness. Then it just hurts. Gradually the pain subsides until you get to the point of boredom and finally you get to go home!

Through every phase of post op you were right there with me. You looked past the bad, acknowledge that it was there, but didn’t dwell on it. Throughout the entire experience you seemed to be happy. You taught me that being happy is not the same thing as feeling happy. I can be happy even when circumstances didn’t lead me to feel happy. Being happy really has more to do with how you act. Through the process of learning to be a happy person, I have noticed that I am a stronger person; and yes, I feel happier as well.

Mom, thank you for the small things you did for me. Thanks for holding my hand when I was scared or hurting. Thanks for positioning the pillows exactly how I liked them and for putting on my favorite movie. But most of all, thank you for teaching me how to deal with my challenges. Thank you for helping me learn how to get the best of my trials so they didn’t get the best of me.

With Eternal Gratitude and Love, Your Son,

Devan